i am not sure … what even is a challenge ?!
people’s perceptions of me.
overcoming people’s perceptions of me is the hardest challenge i have overcome, and continue to battle on a regular basis.
the molds they want me to fit in based on certain things … i can’t manage them. not even a little bit.
i have never been cute or quiet, i have no interest in makeup or fashion, i prefer whiskey to wine … so i don’t really make a good “girl.” i spit, i swear, i smoke (weed) … these things do not make a lady. and … i have always been told what i should do, as a female. how i should be. what i should wear and do with my hair.
i was born with a brain, and … i use it to learn about what interests me, not what i am told matters. and this, apparently, is a problem for people around me. i shouldn’t care so much about politics. if i applied myself i could use my intelligence to make a lot of money, they say, be a powerful and prominent public figure … but i don’t want to. i want to use my brain to teach my children. i want to use it to connect with my community. i hate money. i hate the pursuit and need of money. i give it away every chance i get, because of the example set for me as a child and how toxic the love of fancy things really is.
i am an advocate … for impoverished peoples, disenfranchised peoples, diversely abled peoples, vulnerable peoples … and people have certain ideas and ideals about what i should advocate for and how i should do it. i am unforgiving and brutal in my pursuit of equality and justice. i am a no holds barred type. with standards for integrity, accountability, and personal responsibility. and i am relentless. none of these things are “proper” or “befitting” and often times my abrasive nature can be offputting … not nearly as offputting as i personally find the atrocities allowed to continue for remaining polite. i am a bulldozer. and i am unapologetic. for a thin girl in glasses, this doesn’t match the perception people first have, and can be overly shocking because of that.
i am faithful. and spiritual. i LOVE god. i believe in jesus. i follow the direction of the lord as much as i possibly can. i also believe in ALL the gods. and science! all at the same time! i believe that the pursuit of science is actually the finite mind of mankind trying to understand the infinite concepts of god. all of the gods tell us all the same things … love is light and we are here to shine. i am most familiar with christianity because it is what i have studied the most and practiced the longest. but it is the baha’i faith that calls most to me. we are all one. what heals me, helps you! this doesn’t fit the placement the world has for me. because i have a brain. so how can i also hold faith in my heart. people, and their perceptions.
i am pro-life. i believe in the divinity of all people. all the times. i weep for the babies killed for their first trimester screening. and the other tens of millions of souls lost every single year. but i am an independent woman who don’t need no man. how can that be. how can i believe in equality and freedom and also be against what i am told is the cornerstone of women’s rights. but my heart lies with the women that are being formed in utero. the vulnerable … the most vulnerable there are. and it is a divine and unique life. it is not your body, making it your choice. from the moment that sperm and egg meet, there is unique genetic presence. it is a separate entity, inside. and i believe those vulnerable, tiny creatures need protection. that doesn’t fit the idea of a strong and progressive woman … i have been, in fact, told i am unwelcome at women’s events because of my pro-life stance.
i am super freaking autistic, and that brings it’s own challenges when it comes to how people perceive me and how they think i should be when i am just trying to honour my self and enjoy my soul’s human experience on this planet, this go round.
i am a woman, who fights for men’s rights. i have a fantastic brain and yet faith in my heart. i am skinny with glasses, but ready to throw a punch, and i can take one too! i was blessed with a body that can absorb fats and sugars like nobody’s business but i prefer to wear baggy jeans, hoodies and skate shoes. the list of how i “should be” or what i “could be” put upon me by others is LONG … and having to break down the walls of their perceptions gets exhausting.
it isn’t that i have ever really cared what people think of me. but arguing that i am who and how i am, against their perceptions of the same versus the ideas they build in their heads about who/how i should/could be … it’s a battle field. regularly. it is a challenge every single day. to just … exist.
the hardest challenge i have ever overcome, and one i still fight on a regular basis, is the perceptions others have of me and their projection of how i should be.
#MorningThoughts