the actual amount of hell it takes to get my children to do things.
i know this is probably a “common parent issue” but … when you have a severely high needs small child, and a teenager endlessly attention seeking who is also likely on the spectrum and DEFINITELY displays Pathological Demand Avoidance … it isn’t *actually* a typical level of parenting issues.
i am a single mom, and with two kids like this … it is a lot in the BEST of times. it has been almost insurmountable throughout covid.
i try, to the best of my ability, to manage it all but … it has been SO much because of this stupid pandemic nonsense.
and as the restrictions and nonsense drag on and on … it just continues to get worse. like the death by a thousand pinpricks. this is life now.
i hope something changes in this because … i am weary of the battle. it shouldn’t always BE a battle at all. i should be able to say simple things, like please brush your teeth, and they should just happen … not involve a 90 minute battle of wills with my small human because he isn’t a fan of the sensory input. trust me, he likes even less the tooth pain of cavities and the need to be even MORE uncomfortable at the dentist!
but this is part of my routine.
it’s a battle to get the kid(s) up.
it’s a battle to get them to get dressed for the day.
it’s a battle to get them to brush their teeth.
it’s a battle to get them to eat something healthy for breakfast.
it’s a battle to get them to do their school work.
it’s a battle to get them to eat a healthy lunch.
it’s a battle to get chores started nevermind done.
it’s a battle to be able to sit down for dinner, i haven’t SAT through an entire meal in almost 20 fucking years because of it actually.
it’s a battle to get bathing to happen.
and then it’s a battle about bedtime.
from the time i wake up until the time i finally lay down at around 1 am, only to get up and start it all over at 6 am, it is a battle.
and i am so tired of fighting it.
and it isn’t actually like this for other parents.
not everyone has PDA to deal with or SPD or ODD or any of the other symptomatic behaviours of high need autism spectrum disorders. and i deal with it all day and all night, year after year, alone. while also battling the world at large to recognize the battle, and our humanness. and also battling a deadbeat douchebag who wanted a child and fucked off when it wasn’t easy for him, and is YEARS behind in support payments to the point i had to battle to get wage garnishment (it takes YEARS to get there … YEARS of consistent battle on my part)
i long for the day there is some semblance of normal outside again so that i can find a place to take a break once/week because i REALLY need the break and hope.
and i long for the day that endless battle isn’t part of my routine.
#MorningThoughts